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Hi, I am Tameka, and welcome to Grace Across Borders

There are some weeks when the words come easily.

For the last few weeks, I have found myself waking up early on Wednesday mornings already knowing what I wanted to write. The thoughts would begin flowing from early, and by the time the day really started, I was already writing.

But this week was different.

I felt blank.

I could not think of a single thing to say. No Scripture stood out. No story came to mind. Nothing stirred my spirit the way it normally does. I kept asking God what He wanted me to write about, and honestly, I felt lost.

Then I started going back through old notes and old recordings, and suddenly I remembered something I had completely forgotten.

Last week, after finishing my blog, I started recording another message idea. Somewhere along the way, the recording disappeared, and somehow the story disappeared with it. But when I remembered it, it was like a fire reignited inside of me. The memories came rushing back, and once again God started speaking and flowing.

And in that moment, I was reminded of something important.

God still speaks.

He may not always speak through a burning bush. He may not send fire from heaven or speak through a ram caught in the thicket. But He still speaks.

And I am thankful He still speaks to me.

This week is especially meaningful to me because, if I go through with it, this will be the first week I record the blog using my own voice.

And maybe that is why this message returned.

Scripture

Book of Jonah Jonah 1:1–3

“Now the word of the Lord came unto Jonah the son of Amittai, saying, Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry against it… But Jonah rose up to flee unto Tarshish from the presence of the Lord.”

Most people remember Jonah because of the whale, but before the storm and before the sea creature, there was simply a man running from a calling he did not want to face.

God told Jonah to go and speak.

Jonah’s assignment was connected to his voice.

And instead of moving toward the assignment, Jonah moved in the opposite direction.

The interesting thing is that Jonah was not weak. He was capable of traveling. Capable of surviving storms. Capable of enduring difficulty. But the thing he struggled with most was obedience to the specific thing God asked him to do.

I think many of us understand that feeling more than we admit.

Sometimes we do not run because we are incapable.
Sometimes we run because failure, fear, rejection, or insecurity have convinced us that we are safer staying silent.

Yet even while Jonah was running, God never stopped pursuing him.

And I think that is one of the most beautiful parts of the story.

God did not cancel Jonah because he was afraid.

He kept calling him.

Folklore

There is an old story about an eagle raised among chickens.

From the time it was small, the eagle scratched at the dirt like the chickens, ate beside the chickens, and stayed close to the ground because that was all it had ever known.

One day it looked up and saw a magnificent bird soaring high above the clouds. The eagle asked what kind of bird it was.

“That is an eagle,” one of the chickens replied. “But do not waste your time dreaming about flying. You are just like us.”

And so the eagle spent its entire life never soaring, not because it lacked the ability, but because it believed the wrong voice about itself.

Reflection

When I attended Tivoli Gardens High School in Jamaica, I was involved in almost everything.

I traveled overseas three years in a row with our local Key Club group. I was featured in newspapers, on television stations, and on radio programs. Everywhere my school showed up, somehow I was there too.

And one thing about me growing up was that I loved speaking.

I could switch easily between proper English and Patois. I read very well from an early age, and people often recognized me because of the way I spoke.

So when a youth radio reporting opportunity came up and my school nominated me, I thought this was it. I truly believed radio was where my voice belonged.

I wanted it badly.

The people running the audition loved my voice immediately. The moment I walked in and spoke casually, I saw their faces light up. I remember them basically saying, “We found what we were looking for.”

But then the recording started.

And everything changed.

It was a simple paragraph. One I could have read in my sleep. But the moment they pointed and let me know I was being recorded, I froze. I stumbled over words. I fumbled repeatedly. They normally gave students two or three chances, but they kept giving me more and more opportunities because they believed I could do it.

I was in that room for more than thirty minutes.

When I finally came out, everybody outside probably thought I had nailed it.

But inside that room, I was falling apart.

And I did not get the part.

What hurts looking back is not just that I failed. It is that somewhere deep inside me, I started believing that failure meant something about who I was.

Not long after that, I found myself shrinking in other areas too. I had been acting head girl at school for months and had done very well, but when the official interview process came around, something inside me had already broken.

When they asked why I wanted the position, I barely fought for myself.

Part of me had already given up.

And now, years later, I look back and wonder how many things I quietly walked away from because one painful moment convinced me I was not good enough.

How many dreams did I bury because embarrassment became identity?

How many times did I run from the very thing God was calling me toward?

Ironically, one day I decided I was done running, and I joined the Navy determined to do twenty years. But looking back now, I realize God was showing me something deeper.

The issue was never my ability to face danger.

The issue was my willingness to use my voice.

Like Jonah, I was willing to travel far away before facing the place God kept pointing me toward.

And maybe that is why this blog matters so much to me now.

Because every time I write, every time I record my voice, every time I press publish despite fear, I feel like God is slowly healing something in me that broke years ago in that radio station room.

Maybe some of you reading this have your own buried voice.

Maybe one painful moment convinced you to stop trying.
Maybe rejection convinced you to stop dreaming.
Maybe fear disguised itself as “moving on.”

But one failure does not cancel a calling.

The eagle was always an eagle, even while living among chickens.

And perhaps the thing God keeps bringing back to your spirit is the very thing He created you to do.

Prayer

Lord, thank You for still speaking.

Thank You for not giving up on us when fear causes us to run from the things You placed inside of us. Heal the places where embarrassment, rejection, and failure have shaped how we see ourselves. Remind us that one painful moment does not define our future.

Give us courage to use our voice again. Courage to try again. Courage to walk toward the things You have called us to do.

Teach us, Jesus, to stop listening to fear and start listening to You.

In Jesus ‘ name.

Amen.

And if I find the courage to finally share this in my own voice, I hope it encourages someone else to stop hiding theirs too.

This is Grace Across Borders. Where mercy rewrites our story.
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One response to “Grace for the Voice I Buried”

  1. antoinette Avatar

    Girl thanks alot for sharing. I am going through the same thing right now. Keep up the good work. God bless you

    Like

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